The invisible tax of being liked
The invisible tax of being liked
There’s a cost to being the one who always says yes.
A cost to keeping the peace.
To making sure no one’s upset. To being liked by everyone.
But the price? It’s not always visible.
It shows up in burnout. In resentment. In a growing distance between who you are — and who you think you need to be.
I call it the invisible tax of being liked.
And it’s one that high-achievers, especially empathetic leaders, often pay without even realising.
We’re praised for being reliable, selfless, diplomatic…
But slowly, we start handing out pieces of ourselves until we barely recognise what we want anymore.
This was true for me.
As a mixed-race child who lost most of my family at a young age, I developed a deep fear of not belonging. I became a master at adapting, pleasing, and making sure everyone liked me. On the surface, I was successful. But inside, I was exhausted.
I carried incredible imposter syndrome and a desperate need to fit in. I thought that if I was liked enough, I’d feel safe. Seen. Enough.
It wasn’t until I worked with a coach who taught me about self-compassion that everything began to shift.
I realised: the only person who truly needs to like you — is you.
Everything starts from there.
The more solid your foundation, the less you need to try. You stop performing and start radiating. You become magnetic — not because you’re trying to be — but because you’re finally being you.
Here’s the thing:
Being liked isn't the same as being respected.
And it’s definitely not the same as being free.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is disappoint others — so you can finally stop disappointing yourself.
That doesn’t mean becoming cold or selfish.
It means being clear.
It means being true.
✨ What boundaries have you been avoiding because you don’t want to upset anyone?
✨ Where are you over-giving in the name of being liked?
✨ Who would you be if you didn’t need to please anyone?
It’s okay to want to be liked.
But not at the cost of your own peace.
Your life isn’t a popularity contest.
It’s a sacred space — and you get to decide who and what has access.
READING • WATCHING • LISTENING
📖 Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab — A compassionate and practical guide to reclaiming your time, energy and clarity.
🎥 The Bold Type (TV Series) — Surprisingly deep insights on boundaries, friendship, and the tension between being nice and being true.
🎵 Unlocking Us with Brené Brown: “On People Pleasing & Perfectionism” — A powerful episode on the emotional toll of constant likability.
PS: If you're feeling the weight of this invisible tax — I’ve got you.
Let’s talk.
Click here to book a free call— and let’s find your way back to you.
https://hughwahla.squarespace.com/appointments-5
